Is it possible to hate and love something at the same time. My job I love, still love but I hate it at the same time. I hate the discipline problems, I hate the fact that you can't trust your students. Never before in my life have not trusted someone. I have trusted my students 100% until this week. The security guy awhile ago told me to not trust a student and I was like what if he hasn't given me a reason to not trust him. Deandre then just said if you are in a job like this you just cant trust them. Its true, this week I had a girl steal water out of my fridge, I had to send her to the deans office, it was so hard for me to do. She kept saying please Ms. Tracy don't send me, all I could say as I nervously wrote the referral is I'm sorry, if you were to steal outside of this classroom you would get into trouble, and therefore there is no exception when you steal inside this classroom.
I had another student this week come out and tell me about the gang he belongs to and the things he has to do in this gang. The poor kid is 14 years old and is doing things I never thought of doing at 14, he kept saying that he has made so many mistakes, and I just kept asking him how he can make the things better. I said what can you do to get out of what your in, he said Ms. Tracy once your in a gang you don't get out unless you are leaving in a coffin. I started crying it broke my heart. I am not totally sure I am cut out for this kind of work.
These kids are really confining in me and I am not sure I can take all that they are sharing with me. I know I can not help every kid that is out there but I pray that I can at least help them make better decisions.
I had another student this week come out and tell me about the gang he belongs to and the things he has to do in this gang. The poor kid is 14 years old and is doing things I never thought of doing at 14, he kept saying that he has made so many mistakes, and I just kept asking him how he can make the things better. I said what can you do to get out of what your in, he said Ms. Tracy once your in a gang you don't get out unless you are leaving in a coffin. I started crying it broke my heart. I am not totally sure I am cut out for this kind of work.
These kids are really confining in me and I am not sure I can take all that they are sharing with me. I know I can not help every kid that is out there but I pray that I can at least help them make better decisions.
1 comment:
hang in there, Melissa! Teaching can be tough, especially when your students have very tough lives. I felt similar when I taught. Just remember that when they are in your class, all they need is safety, to learn, and a smile. That's what my mentor said to me once.
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